‘If I had read as much as other men, I should know no more than they.’ ~ Aubrey
It touches me when I see people working hard to ruin their lives without knowing they are doing it. I find it so unbearable, when people I so much wish success, do all they can to undo their success momentum.
It’s like something inside them whispers, ‘Go ruin yourself, brother!’ And without a thought, they stride to it.
I see writers, bloggers, and different artists who have a lot to be proud of, they run their lives straight to the ditch. That makes me wonder.
Should I say something? Or, should I just mind my own business? And I think it’s easy to say, ‘Guess what, that’s none of my business, sister! I’ve got to mind my own shit.’
But the truth is, the shit that hurts you hurts all of us.
We are one.
We are all connected.
And for this reason, I’m writing this post inspired by what the writer and the blogger Cristian Mihai is facing right now. Mihai is a Romanian writer.
His blog cristianmihai.net is one of the popular ones out there right now.
His readership is high.
And he has been featured on WordPress simply for doing a good job. When I moved from self-hosting to WordPress, he was one of the first bloggers to follow my blog (and I followed his as well).
But towards the end of last year, his posts started to change. Apparently, his books weren’t selling as before. So he wanted to change that by introducing some promotions – cut prices and all that. Then shortly after, he was asking for donations.
And that kind of asking has kept going.
Initially, when I read his very discouraged post I wanted to respond… but for some reason I decided not to. But as the similar posts kept coming into my inbox, as I’m one of his blog followers, I decided it’s time to say something.
After all, a wise man once said,
‘To teach is to learn twice’.
So here I am, teaching what I believe I know.
Now, there are 10 ways that can puncture or ruin our success momentum.
That’s right, 10 ways.
You see, not even two years ago I was repeating these on a daily basis, until I ruined it all.
Until I lost one of the biggest opportunity that was presented to me while I was asleep.
Then I asked, ‘why is my life going up and down’?
Why do I have major lucky breaks that I’ve no idea how they come about?
Why with no time I attract their opposites?
What do I do or not do that causes this wave?
So I set out to find the answers, and with time, I found them.
Even though at times I asked the wrong questions to the wrong people, but with persistence came the correct answers from the right sources.
I knew that a little knowledge is dangerous, so I tried to multiply it, to learn more.
I felt that, somehow, there is something I didn’t know, so I was ambitious about it. And the ambition paid dividends.
So, when I read Mihai’s lamentations and neediness, one part of me wanted to unfollow him, but the other part of me said, ‘why don’t you just help out because you have the answers?’.
But before I jump right into the 10 ways to puncture your success momentum, fast, let me just remind us these good words from John Selden:
‘Few men make themselves masters of the things they write or speak.’
That’s a line to think about.
So, are you ready?
Let’s do this.
Here are 10 ways to ruin your success momentum, really, really, really fast.
1. by telling everyone that you’ve been or you’re struggling
There is this assumption that some of us have.
It says, ‘If I tell enough people about my struggle, they will empathize with me.’
Well, the opposite is true.
In fact, the more you tell them about your struggle, the more you attract and remain in the struggle.
So guess what the best way out of the struggle is, start telling a different story.
2. by telling people that you are an unhappy person
Who do the unhappy people associate with?
Well, I was once. And I thought by telling my friends that I was unhappy, they would help me be happy.
They made me miserable by closing their doors.
Yes, they stayed away from me for good.
Until I was a happy chap – mostly for no reason.
3. by telling people that your situation is getting worse
Back in 2010 I told one of my clients that my situation was getting worse.
And it did.
He stopped working with me.
But then I started telling them my situation is getting better in every way.
What do people do when they hear that?
They stay, they want to know more.
I guess they want some of it.
4. by telling people that your progress is slow
By telling others that our progress is slow doesn’t make it faster.
That’s the wrong vibe of progress.
‘Convey the impression of advancement with everything you do, so that all people shall receive the impression that you are an advancing man.’
And so by telling them your progress is slow only works against you.
5. by telling people that you’ve been thinking about quitting
We all know that quitters never win.
That quitters, when old, they usually sing that famous line by Joseph Campbell.
‘I have never done a thing that I wanted to do in all my life.’
In other words, quitters never follow their bliss.
6. by telling people that no one else really cares
This is so true.
No one really cares.
Yes, no one really cares until we do.
Just ask him or her the right questions.
Just develop, grow and nourish that person you see in the mirror – he will astonish you.
7. by telling people that even though you talk about courage and expectations, you don’t possess any of it
This is deadly.
This is suicidal.
This is lying to people.
Courage is so vital to our progress, to our success… so how can you encourage people and in the end, tell them you don’t even believe in courage?
If you tell them to expect it, expect it yourself.
If you encourage them to stand from within, stand there in yourself.
8. by telling people that you get heartbroken, that someone can disappoint you
In the famous book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, there is tremendous insight about letting others dictate how we feel.
In short, we choose how we feel.
No circumstances, no situation, no person, no politics can add or take away any vibe from us if we don’t let them to.
You see, at one time I thought my children made me angry – but I was simply an angry person. Until I decided to be in control of my emotions.
I even thought that my wife had an agenda to run me wildly crazy, but I was allowing all that to myself.
These days, nothing shakes my good vibes.
The only thing that can happen is, if a person is cursing or spitting dirty words supposed to hurt me, I simply ignore them and cancel them out of my relationships – good for them, good for me.
Overall, it’s not easy to reach this level of self-control.
And as Covey writes in his book, one has to grow from being ‘dependent’ to ‘independent’, and from ‘independent’ to ‘inter-dependent’.
It doesn’t happen at the blink of an eye though, but if one searches, for real, they finds.
9. by telling people you are desperate
Neediness and desperation are bad vibes.
Showing neediness may sound great to our inner ignorance selves, but to other people it’s like a trap to avoid at all cost.
Again, I lived a life of neediness and even desperation on certain issues in my life but nothing good to report that came out of it.
I then realised that all I needed to do was stand like a man and say to myself, ‘I’m going to make it, I’m going to progress faster, no matter what.’
And in the eyes of universal laws, desperation and neediness only adds to itself and nothing else.
In other words, there is no relief in desperation.
And certainly not in neediness.
Boys know this, you cannot attract a girl by being desperate?
10. by telling people that ‘this world is big enough for all of us to get what we want’ and yet you are desperate with little donations
When I read this sort of line from Mihai’s blog, I straight knew that there is trouble.
It’s true that there is enough for all of us – no matter what the statisticians tell us or what the politicians convince us.
The law says, if you contribute to others, others will contribute to you as well.
The law says, there is no need to compete for what it’s already created, and so the solution is, create and contribute to the prosperity of others and you SHALL be rewarded.
There are millions ways possible for the universe to give us what we want – desperation isn’t one of them.
If we trust, if we hope for, if we expect it to happen, if we act knowing and believing that it’s all in our favour if it’s all in other people’s favour, then we have just tapped on the right button.
in the end
Leopardi did write, ‘The most certain way to hide from others the limits of our knowledge is not to go beyond them’.
But what if we choose to keep expanding that limit?
What if we decide and commit to the philosophy of continuous personal growth?
What if we share only the vibes of progress?
What if we impress the spirit of advancement to all who come near us?
What if we stop talking about struggles, the fight for or against this and that, and instead talk about how we can contribute more vibes of happiness, more vibes of improvement, more… to others?
What if we simply learn to trust in the limitlessness of the universe in providing us with plenty, with more, with everything worth sharing with others…?
Are we going to be disappointed?
Is there any way that we will regret?
I doubt it.
I have changed my life tremendously simply by learning to talk about my life not as it has been like, but what I want it to be like.
I have more of everything right now, simply because I’ve learned how to tell others that my life is getting better and better in everyday in every way.
I have even attracted what others call miracles, simply because I have being grown to be an ‘independent’ person and actually, more of an ‘inter-dependent’ person. This is miles from being dependent on others.
Even though the good change doesn’t have a destination, I’m glad to say that I’m well on my highway – hitting 100 mph uphill, imagine what would be downhill.
Maybe, it’s time to grow, to learn more, to compliment more, to support others, to talk about the vibes of progress rather than the vibes of despair.
If you have been ruining your life in one of the ways mentioned above, then maybe it’s time to listen to these words from Esther Hicks,
‘Tell a different story.’
⤹jOsh lugEmbe is the author of the upcoming e-book ‘Stand Tall. Life is Short. The Ultimate Guide to Continuous Personal Improvement (CPI) in 7 Ways’. He runs theRichThoughs.com – a personal development blog.⤴