Is that a yes? Great, now make these 7 habits your own… but before you do that, let’s talk about your personal growth for a while.
It matters to you, doesn’t it?
And you know that without it, you would be almost a nobody.
But what if you are still a nobody?
I mean, let’s be honest.
Who runs to you for help?
Do they mention you when they want what you sell, what you know, what you stand for?
When was the last time people said thanks to you.
And let’s even exaggerate it.
Is the world, or somebody’s world a better place because you do what you do, know what you know… because you are alive today?
Let’s be honest, adding to other people’s lives is the whole point of delving deeper into the ocean of personal development.
The moment you chose to dive into it, you chose not only to be one of the best students but also, one of the teachers. So then, are you a teacher?
You see, you don’t have to have a class, or followers, or even disciples like Jesus.
You just need to be you. Not the one you were yesterday, but the better version of you. Or else, what’s the point of embracing personal growth if all we do is stay where we are?
In my experience, most people who get into this world of self-improvement end up living a double life.
The life of learning and knowing more of the stuff, and the life of living as though one had never heard of personal development.
It’s like a day is coming… but it’s not here as yet.
A day that one will progress to that next level of excellence.
But as of now, one can still tolerate mediocrity.
And some even have the courage to say,
‘Oh shit, self-help thing is for the weak, it’s for those who don’t have the courage to face the reality.’
But people who throw these words out of their lips aren’t the people who make the world a better place. They aren’t the people who would inspire others. They aren’t even the people who know that after all, we are one. That we are inter-dependent.
Their selfish, child-like-minds suggest that all we have to do is mind our business. But damn it, you only mind you own business if you are an island… and that you have all that you need and want for yourself.
But if you know that for you to stay successful you need others, then you know that it’s important to live in line with personal development. Because that way you learn from others. And that makes you learn a great deal about yourself as well!
So do you still believe in personal development?
In other words, do you believe that it’s for your own good
- to develop you
- to grow you
- to invest in you
- to excel you
- to give to others so that you can get what you want
- to live in line with the great laws of nature that aren’t selfish or in anyway centred to themselves?
If you still do, then come with me (and don’t miss the little treat at the end of this post).
How many evenings do you find yourself heading straight to bed after watching 10 o’clock news?
Or, how many times do you wake up and decide to read something inspirational or instructional before you’re off for the grind?
The truth is, smart people aren’t smart by accident. They are smart because they decide every day to be smart. They feed their minds daily. They make time to learn from other smart minds.
They know that watching news just before bed time doesn’t make a person smarter, but dumb.
And they also know that walking straight into their days without adding to their minds something thoughtful, it’s detrimental to their thinking. Which is the same as, detrimental to their creation.
So feed your inner beast, my friend.
Don’t let it feed on what’s on the news.
Feed it as you feed your body with food.
I’m talking about three times a day… with time for some snack, as well.
Feed it and it will reward you big time.
Give it the food it cherishes.
And happy, will be your future days.
how to own this habit:
Set just 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes before bed to read a good book – or to consume good content in any form (video, audio, etc). This will help you form this habit in no time. Well, as long as you do it for one month straight.
And remember not to over-think about it. Just open your book and read. Just grab that audio and listen. This will keep procrastination at a distance.
2. consciously change your language
The language we use is like an orange juice to an orange.
There is no way you can squeeze an orange and get an apple juice instead.
It’s so obvious and yet as people, we seem to believe that we can give both orange and apple juice, even though all that we are is the orange.
What’s inside us is forever what will come forth.
If we speak the language of progress is because we have spent time to feed ourselves some progress-related thoughts.
As we feed our minds with progress thoughts, we as well develop the matching language.
But rather than wait for that to catch some momentum, we can decide to use positive words instead of negative ones, for example. And from experience, I know that it doesn’t take long before we become so aware of what we say that we constantly stay on guard and make sure that we only say what we want to say.
how to own this habit:
The first and easy rule on this is to remember just this one line: don’t complain and don’t explain.
Avoid at all cost every effort to complain. Yes, things might be somehow looking unfair, but trust me… life is always fair. And you will know this the moment you stop complaining and forget about explaining.
Explaining just seem wrong. It’s like trying to justify to your fellow humans why you are a human as well. Forget about it. Live your life and give no damn thought about trying to explain a word.
Don’t even complain and explain in your own mind. That’s even worse.
3. avoid bullshitting others
Did I get you on this, too?
Well, here is the truth: your personal development won’t pick up good enough momentum to radically change your life if you bullshit others.
Most people wonder what’s missing in their lives now that they know it all on how to improve their lives. They ask,
‘How come, how long…?
And the answer is simple.
Help them become better people.
Treat them not as they are, but as they are supposed to be, as you think their better versions is.
And if you think they have no idea what their capabilities are, or what possibilities lies within their reach, be kind enough to show them. But for goodness sake, don’t talk shit about them.
That by the way, doesn’t say anything about them. But it says all about you.
You see, if you talk shit about others, remember this from day on, you are the one who is shit inside.
People wonder why they don’t get promotions at work. They wonder why they don’t get support they need from other business professionals. Well, here is the thing.
If one of them hears you bullshit someone else, what they hear from you is, you can’t be trusted. An on top of that, you aren’t ready for more, anything.
So give people respect.
Being a black man, I get told a lot that some white folks hate my colour. And while some of my black friends experience all sorts of hate – apparently, even with the police… I’m yet to experience any.
You see, I don’t talk shit about white people. They are just people. They kill each other all the time… is that about colour, too? I don’t think so.
So no bullshitting others be it a group of people, a family or that other person.
Forget it because the moment you do it, you screw yourself up, too.
how to own this habit:
Well, learn to smile and laugh at will.
And each time you feel like talking shit about that guy, or that lady, simply smile and remember that you were just about to talk shit about yourself.
On top of that, why not start a bad behaviour of deliberately talking good about others to others?
Or, if you feel like a courageous person, make new friends. Walk away from those who taught you how to bullshit others. If you manage to do this, let someone know… Oh, let me know about it!
This is the ultimate rule of growing you to a more trusted and respected individual.
Yes, no one can see what you are up to… but trust me, whatever you think of others will, with time come forth.
In fact, this habit is an advanced version of the habit number 3.
The moment you learn that there is no need to bullshit others, you begin to realise that after all other people aren’t as bad as you first thought.
In fact, if you look deep enough, there is an awful lot to learn from them.
So open your mind and let that become the foundation for thinking of others the way we want them to think of us.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the so-called the Golden Rule – do to others what you would want them do to you.
Well, this is just a better understanding of that.
The moment we think of others as we would like them to think of us, we level the ground. We give them equal credit as we want to give ourselves. And better still, we maintain not less than neutral state between us.
how to own this habit:
> At each one time, have at least one thing that you like about those around you. So when you are tempted to think of them not as you would like them to think of you, just pick out that one thing and focus on it.
> If you are courageous, let other people know that you think well of them. My son, 3, whenever he meets new people, he always say something like, ‘I like your shoes…’ and then he immediately adds, ‘My name is Benji :)’ By saying ‘I like your shoes’, you are also saying to them, ‘I’m thinking well of you’.
5. act like success is in the family…
Or that, failure wasn’t meant for you.
We have all heard that line.
‘What would you do if you knew that you couldn’t fail?
And the answer is simple.
Fuck it and don’t be afraid.
You see, most people reading this stay where they are because they are just too afraid to move a muscle in the direction of their dreams.
It’s like they want to go, but at the same time they like the fragile comfort of where they are.
It’s like they want more, but they don’t want to make room for it. Or, they don’t even know how… and they make no effort to know.
So they stay.
And a year later, things don’t seem to change. They’re still where they were a year ago.
I’ve seen this in my family and friends’ families, too. People like to play it safe to the point they lose their lives as well. Because think about it, if you give up the walk to your goals, then aren’t you simply giving up your life as well?
If there is a way out there for you to do more, to become more, and to achieve more… but then all you do is stay in, stay where you know, cloth yourself with all excuses, is there any chance you’d become anything close to that higher version of you?
TwoPac sang, Only God Can Judge Me… but you know why?
Because he wasn’t scared to follow his dreams.
Because he knew that chickening out just because of what other people think is just playing dumb. And dumb people get nowhere. They’ve got just too many dumb lines that keep them blind.
They like to say, ‘this terrible disease is in the family‘.
Why the hell they don’t say ‘success, courage, confidence is in the family, instead?
Why is it that only the bad things are in the family and the things that improve us are somehow out of reach?
Act like you’ve got it and the science will give you all the evidence that you’ll get it.
And talking of science, did you know that doing dumb jobs, dumb anything… makes you dumber?
And that the only way out of it is by acting not-so-dumb?
Well, that’s the point of this habit: act like success is all you’ve got.
This will grow your self-esteem, and grow your attitude towards success itself.
how to own this habit:
First you’ve to know yourself. But here is the thing.
Knowing yourself doesn’t mean focusing on what you can’t do, but focusing on what you can do. And better still, is focusing to on what you want to do – even though at the moment you can’t do it.
Please re-read that last line because it’s here where you start to act like you’ve got it. It’s in understanding that line that you begin to flaunt your way to what you want.
Once you know what you want to do but you can’t do, then with passion, start to act like you can. But don’t be silly like I was when I was young. I told people that I could drive a car. Then one day, there was a car to be moved a few yards to clear the path. They gave me the keys and I ran it to the wall.
Be smart, instead.
If you want to act like you know it, make sure that you learn how to – fast.
6. focus on what you want to achieve…
And not what’s happening around you.
I once asked a gentleman how he moved from being a teacher within an organisation in a poor country to becoming the president of the same organisation, world-wide.
And as I waited for some stories of how he got his first break and all, I was surprised and was almost speechless when he answered my question with one word: focus.
It’s only after a year or so that I started to understand his simple answer.
Focus is everything.
Don’t get dis-tracked or even distracted by what’s happening around you.
One thing that slows people down is change.
Change is supposed to be good.
But most of us don’t act like change is good for us.
When it happens we mourn, we worry, we over-think everything.
But if we have a bigger goal, a nobler purpose within us, then no change is going to knock us own.
Actually, it can act as a bouncing place to something better.
When those around you act like it’s the end of the world, just ignore them.
Jesus isn’t coming any time soon.
So get busy. Focus on your goals. Focus on what you want.
And, even if it’s almost the end of the world, so what? Isn’t it nice to end it with a busy bang?
So go on, don’t let nothing stand in the way.
Get aggressive about it if you’ve to, but without anger in it.
Go smash your way to success, but don’t kill nobody.
Put your socks in your ears if you have to…
Do what you’ve got to do to achieve your goal, to become that person worth listening, to get there no matter what.
Are there people in the path you are after, people who are successful? Well, why not you? You too can be one of them.
You see, a lot of successful people aren’t that smart in terms of IQ (whatever that means). They are just some ordinary guys and girls with eagle-eye-focus.
Did you know that even when it rains, when it snows, when it’s all cloudy and foggy, the sun still shines?
That should be you. That no matter what is happening, your energy, your thoughts are still focused where you want them to focus.
how to own this habit:
Take time to think about what you want in as much detail as possible.
Take anything between 5 minutes to 20 minutes every day to visualize your focus paying off.
You don’t have to write it down because I know that you really, really, really want to achieve that goal. And if that’s the case, there no need to write it down. Only stamp it in your mind as clear as possible.
And let that be the highway of your efforts.
Smart people ask smart questions.
And by doing that, they not only get smarter but they also get smart answers.
There is a saying that goes something like,
‘A wise man’s question is half the answer.’
So learn to ask the right questions.
Why am I doing this kind of job?
What could I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
Am I investing in my personal growth enough?
What’s the one thing that I can do today that can change my life forever?
Ask the right questions. And at times, ask even hard questions. Questions that not many people want to ask.
If today was my last day, what would I do differently?
If the retired version of me sees me now, would it be proud of me?
I’m 99 today, and it’s probably my last birthday party, and people from all stages of my life are here. They are all talking about me. And I can hear each and every word. Now the question is, do I like what I hear? Did I do enough to inspire, to teach, to correct, to better, to add fun to these people’s lives?
In fact, life is a question. And what you do with it is the answer. But here is the good bit.
You can answer the question of life properly by, again, asking questions. But hey, these aren’t just any questions, they are the type of questions that are asked around what you want to achieve.
So do you want to be a writer? Then turn that into a question: How can I become a writer?
Do you want to be a business owner? Turn that to a question: How can I own my own business within the next year?
And once you do that, give your question at least 20 answers without much thinking.
Do that every day and pretty soon you’d have your best answers.
how to own this habit:
Make it your intention to ask a different question at each situation. If you normally ask, what can go wrong here? Ask instead, what is the opportunity in this?
Also, learn to ask what if sort of questions.
What if I can complete that project in less time?
What if what I fear turns out to be not as bad as I imagine it?
What if I meet a new, passionate business partner in that meeting?
And remember, the best way to come up with a way to start doing what you always wanted to do is by turning that wish, that statement into a question. Then, write as many answers as you can.
is that enough?
Well, I guess it’s.
7 powerful habits that can change your personal growth from day one.
- continually, feed your mind with new, better thoughts
- consciously, change your language
- don’t talk shit of others
- think of others the way you want them to think of you
- act like success is in you…
- focus on what you really, really want…
- learn to ask damn good questions
By making these habits your own, you are making yourself nothing else than unstoppable.
Those who don’t get it would say,
‘How the hell did you manage to move up so fast?
And your answer should be,